Your Conduct With Your Children

The behavior of parents before and after divorce has a great influence on the emotional adjustment of their children. The following guidelines may be helpful:

• Put your children's welfare first. Never use your children as a weapon against your spouse.
• Be sure your children have ample time with the other parent. They need it.
• Visitation should usually not take place in the children's home.
• Don't introduce your children to your new romantic interest until the children have adjusted to your separation and your new relationship is stable.
• Don't bring your children to court or to your lawyer's office.
• Keep to the schedule. Give the other parent and the children as much notice as you can when you will not be able to keep to the schedule. Be considerate.
• Be flexible. You may both need to adjust the schedule from time to time.
• Giving of yourself is more important than giving material things. Feverish rounds of holiday type activities during every visitation period or lavish gifts may be viewed as a crude effort to purchase affection, and is not good for the children.
• Do not use your children as spies to report to you about the other parent.
• Do not use the children as couriers to deliver messages, money or information.
• Try to agree on decisions about the children, especially matters of discipline, so that one parent is not undermining the other parent's efforts.
• Avoid arguments or confrontations while dropping off or picking up the children and at other times when your children are present.
• Don't listen in on your children's phone calls with the other parent.
• Maintain your composure. Try to keep a sense of humor. Remember that your children's behavior is affected by your attitude and conduct.
• Assure your children they are not to blame for the breakup, and are not being rejected or abandoned by either parent.
• Don't criticize the other parent in front of your children. Your children need to respect both parents.
• Do not let guilt you may feel about the marriage breakdown interfere with discipline of your children. Parents must be ready to say "No" when necessary.
• You are only human. You cannot be a perfect parent. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it and try to do better next time.